Four Years After My Crohn’s Diagnosis

I was diagnosed with a mild case of Crohn’s Disease back in 2015. I was 41. I’ve had digestive issues  since I was born as the doctor told my mother that I had an underdeveloped digestive system. I don’t really know what that means or what, if any, treatment there was back in the 70s, but I do remember having to avoid certain foods for awhile as a young child, like chocolate, milk, peanuts, wheat, etc. I continued to have digestive issues throughout my childhood and teenage years and was at the doctor’s office frequently. Looking back at a copy of my medical records from my family doctor when I was a teenager revealed that he suspected I had some sort of IBD but I was never sent for further tests with a GI doctor, probably because my symptoms were sporadic and not completely consistent and could very well be explained away by other stressors in my life.

In addition to gut distress, I also suffered from bouts of anemia, regular migraines and headaches and sinus infections several times a year. I recall a fairly miserable existence and an overall sense of malaise. Throughout my 20s and 30s, I would continue to go through periods of anemia and be put on iron supplements until my levels increased and then go about my life. I also continued to have regular episodes of stomach problems - stomach aches, bloating, gas, diarrhea, intense stomach pains and cramping. When 2015 rolled around, I had been dealing with my gut issues for a long time but I also had been suffering from a bout of anemia for about a year without relief, despite being put on iron supplements. I began to suspect that my iron depletion was connected to my relatively common diarrhea episodes and I relayed this information to my family doctor who sent me to a GI doctor.

I had a colonoscopy and that test where you swallow the pill camera that moves through your digestive system and takes pictures of your entire digestive tract.  My GI doctor said that the test results were consistent with a Crohn’s disease diagnosis concentrated in my terminal ileum, and so began the treatment options. I’m not sure if the treatment plan is the same no matter how severe the disease is, but I was put on Entocort (a steroid) and Pentasa, an anti-inflammatory. From my understanding, this is kind of the first line of defense to control the disease as the side effects are minimal compared to other drugs. The idea is to see how your body responds to the less intrusive drugs and hope that you don’t need to go beyond that.

I remember leaving the CVS after I picked up my first rounds of pills. Because the pharmacy didn’t have the 500mg dosage pills that were prescribed, I had to take twice as much in a 250mg version, so I was taking 19 pills per day and instead of my prescription coming in the regular white pharmacy bags, my order was in a brown lunch bag sized bag. I still remember walking down the aisle after picking up my prescription with tears welling up in my eyes. Was this my life now? Was I that person now who was going to have to take pills the rest of her life? I had been somewhat relieved after my diagnosis because I finally had an answer to the stomach issues that had plagued me my entire life but the reality of the situation didn’t hit until I carried that stupid brown bag out of the store.

Eventually, I accepted where I was with the hopes that the medication would do its thing and I continued to take it for the next year. I felt fairly good that year and only had a few episodes of diarrhea and discomfort. I had also started researching dietary changes that would improve my symptoms. The dietary component to Crohn’s disease seems to be highly debatable and very personalized which I’ll save for another post but the pills, along with these dietary changes had me feeling confident enough to return to my doctor to inquire as to whether I could reduce the amount of pills I was taking. He agreed to consider my request but only after I got another colonoscopy.

My second colonoscopy proved to be somewhat disappointing. Apparently, while the disease hadn’t worsened, it really hadn’t improved either and because of that, my doctor felt I should actually stop taking the Pentasa (the Entocort was only taken temporarily and for a short period of time so I was no longer taking it) and move to the more aggressive biologic drugs. My opinion (based on no medical knowledge, of course) was that while perhaps the Pentasa wasn’t necessarily making things better, it seemed to be keeping the disease from progressing and it was making me feel better in general, with no apparent side effects. I wanted to stay this course, but my doctor took what I consider an aggressive approach to treatment with the thought that you fight fire with fire to really keep the disease from progressing.

I had one other option before conceding to the biologic route and that was to try Imuran which is given to people who have had organ transplants and is used as an anti-rejection drug. I took that option because I was really resisting the biologic therapy. Unfortunately, shortly after starting on Imuran, I began to develop severe, stabbing, gnawing stomach pains to the point that I would have to take deep meditative breaths to try and sit fully upright or function.

With Pentasa and Imuran off the table, we moved onto Humira - scary black box warning label Humira which if you read Crohn's message boards/forums, you find out that the drug is a life saver or quite the opposite. I was terrified but I was more terrified of the consequences should the disease progress so I agreed to start the process. My Humira ambassador was an extremely kind and caring woman who walked me through the loading dose session (which I had run home during my lunch hour to do) and called me frequently throughout the first 6 months to check on my progress and note any issues I was having with the injections or the drug. I totally admit that Humira worked wonders in calming my system and I felt great EXCEPT about a month after starting treatment, I developed a massive UTI. I hadn't had a bladder infection in about a decade and it came on suddenly and quite painfully when I was camping no less. My husband and I were in the woods sleeping in our tent and I woke with the most painful, shooting pains in my nether region. Thankfully, we were just a few hours from home, but it was extremely uncomfortable and hurt tremendously. Fast forward through the year that I was on Humira, I continued to experience a painful UTI every other month or so and was at my regular doctor's office and Patient First offices on rotation. I had been doing some internet research on Humira and saw that bladder infections were a possible side effect and even one of the nurses at Patient First pulled up that information on her phone confirming that it was a side effect. My GI doctor, however, basically insisted that the Humira wasn't the cause because none of his patients ever complained of a UTI as a side effect. He suggested that I had something else going on and referred me to a urologist. The urologist ran several tests and everything came back fine.  After explaining that I was taking Humira, the urologist agreed that it could be causing the recurrent UTI's.

What to do? What to do? Humira was working to help alleviate my Crohn's symptoms but the UTI's were unbearable and put a much higher damper on my life than the Crohn's ever did.  I literally couldn't leave the house because of the pain and the urge to urinate every few minutes.  It was at this point that I decided that I would rather deal with the Crohn's symptoms, something I had dealt with all my life (without a diagnosis) than recurrent UTI's. So, I quit. I had one injection pen left before I had to reorder and I just quit. I didn't tell my doctor and I didn't ask his opinion. I told my Humira rep about the situation and then I eventually called my doctor's office and told his nurse that I wasn't going to be returning to their office.

My last Humira shot was on June 26, 2018. I haven't made any arrangements to find another GI doctor yet because I've been holding my own for the past 16 months. I've made major dietary changes which are a combination of cutting out most processed foods and concentrating on a whole food, initially plant based diet and also trying to eat more intuitively. I went vegetarian for a few months but now incorporate some animal proteins into my diet. I exercise regularly (and always have) by cycling, running and a yoga practice. I've made significant changes to reduce my stress levels and practice breathing and meditation.  Things aren't perfect but so far I'm holding relatively steady in the gut department.

I don't recommend or condone quitting your meds or your doctor like I did but it was clear to me that my doctor was confident that his course of treatment wasn't the cause of my larger issues at the time which were the UTI's. Additionally, he didn't believe that dietary changes had any effect (or had little effect) on the disease. Obviously he knows more about the disease than I ever will from a medical standpoint, but I felt like he was on autopilot with his knowledge and feedback and wasn't willing to entertain other protocols than what was taught in medical school, and perhaps he isn't permitted to, but I've read about other doctors who are more progressive and forward thinking about treatment options and when the time comes that I need to seek medication to control the disease again (hopefully this doesn't happen), I will seek out a doctor that is a better fit for me.

From what I can surmise, the medical community doesn't know a ton about Crohn's disease. From my 23 & Me raw data, I can tell you that I have several markers for Crohn's, which doesn't mean that I would have necessarily suffered from the disease but I have the propensity to. Genetics and environmental factors can all play a role in how the disease may manifest itself. I've read studies questioning whether Crohn's is a true autoimmune disease where the body attacks itself or whether it's the opposite where the body just doesn't have the stamina to maintain a conducive microbiome. My point is that you need to be your own advocate. Read articles, even if you don't understand all of the language, read studies, read what other people are doing to combat the disease and work with your doctor to come up with a treatment plan that you can live with.

What I find humorous about the Humira commercials is that they mention something about, "Are you just managing your Crohn's disease?" Of course you are and they can't do any better, because that's all you can do - manage it. There's no cure and there's no magic pill or shot or surgery that will eradicate it. Would I still be taking Humira if I didn't have the recurrent UTI's? Most likely, because it was most definitely helping my digestive issues. I also know that I've been super fortunate to be in a relatively healthy holding pattern since my last shot. I'm a bit terrified because I don't know what my options are for treatment should I need to return to the doctor but for the meantime, I try and maintain a positive attitude and listen to my body's cues on how I'm feeling and what foods are suiting me at that moment.

Stay healthy my friends.

Breaking My Television Addiction/Habit

It may sound silly, but one of my concerns about embarking on our van life adventure was that we wouldn’t have a television. I grew up on television and with television. It’s where I spent my Saturday mornings watching cartoons when I was little, where I ate dinner (with the exception of major holiday meals), where I went for comfort, and where I went for company. I would turn it on when I got home from school and later when I got home from work and always have it on in the background until I went to bed. Television soothed me and many times provided an escape from the unpleasant and harsh realities of my life and I leaned on it to take my mind off the daily grind. (Reading has also afforded me these luxuries over the years, but for a time, television was my main source of support.)

There’s nothing wrong with watching t.v. It can be very educational and interesting and I’ve learned many things from watching it over the years and honestly, addiction might be a strong word to use for my television consumption. I never cancelled or missed work or appointments or other plans because of it (except once) and I could easily turn it off and leave the house and not have separation anxiety, but I could also easily spend 4+ hours every night after work just watching t.v. and even more on the weekends.

Luckily, something happened last year before we decided to go forward with van life which helped me start the mental transition out of my television habit. We had two main cable carriers in our area, Comcast and Verizon. We used Comcast for years and, despite other’s complaints, had consistently good service with them. Their user interface, guide and menu display was easy to use and intuitive and their voice controlled remote control was awesome. We loved Comcast but after while couldn’t justify the prices. When our monthly triple play bill (t.v., internet and phone) was going to top $200, we made the decision to move on and switched to Verizon for their cheaper (yet temporary) introductory monthly fees of a much lower $130.  There are some real diehard Verizon Fios fans out there and to each their own, but from the moment we switched to Verizon, we looked at their remote control which looked like it hadn’t had a redesign since remote controls were invented and felt a little disappointed and deflated. After navigating their user guide and menu functions, we realized that we had just traded in our Porsche for a Yugo.

Because Verizon’s television interface (not sure if this is the correct word here) sucked so badly, I began to watch less t.v. Yes, a simple thing like a menu and guide display had an effect on my television usage which turned out to be a real blessing. Additionally, we were busy with getting our house ready to sell and in selling down our possessions so my free time was easily taken up with other activities.  I was more than happy to contact Verizon to cancel my service when we moved.

Since we started vanlife, television is probably one of the luxuries that I miss the least.  One of the experiences I love most about our current situation is that we no longer eat meals in front of the t.v. We eat meals in city parks, in valleys full of wildflowers, on forest service roads, on park benches or even sitting in our van in a Cabela’s parking lot. Instead of staring mindlessly at the news or some HGTV show or Hallmark movie (which I will still always love), I watch birds or the wind blowing tall grasses in a field or at families enjoying picnics or playing in the park. Time that I would have spent in the evening watching television is spent reading a book or magazine, talking, listening to music, relaxing in a folding chair at a campsite or pondering what I want to do with my life when vanlife is over.

It’s been a freeing experience and something I never thought I would appreciate saying goodbye to. Will I resume my habit when we’ve settled down again? I know I will to some degree, but I hope not to the extent as before. It’s surprising though what space opens up in your mind and soul when you make a little room for new opportunities. If you have a habit that you know isn’t serving your best interest, consider taking a break from it for awhile and see if you can fill that void with something more positive.

Ride Report: Slickrock Trail, Moab, UT

Where do I start with this one? I hesitated even writing a ride report because I didn’t necessarily have anything positive to actually report, but now that it’s been a few weeks and the black memories have faded slightly to a darker grey, I feel like I may to able to conjure up some kind words.

The day after we rode The Whole Enchilada, we were planning on heading out of Moab so we could sink our tires into the Colorado trails people have gushed to us about for years. Although I had mentioned to Jay before we even got to Moab that I wouldn’t be upset if we skipped Slickrock, I knew on some level that we weren’t going to make it out of the area without riding it.  I had no reason for my aversion to the trail, however.  I think I just thought it was going to be really difficult but also kind of boring.

For a short amount of time, I thought I had escaped the ride, but then Jay casually mentioned that since we were there, we really should ride Slickrock the next morning before leaving town. Okay, fine. I knew this was going to happen in my heart of hearts so I accepted it and really tried to put on a positive attitude. We had stayed in a Super 8 motel the two days we were in Moab so the morning of the ride, we checked out of the hotel and made our way to the trailhead.  There’s a $5 entry fee per person to park in the Slickrock parking lot so even though it was only $10, the fact that we paid for the entry meant we were going to actually go through with this.

I had heard stories of how crowded this trail could become and that people had to actually stand in line at times to ride the rocks, but to my surprise, there were only two other cars in the parking lot when we pulled in around 10 a.m. Maybe that should have been a sign.  The entire trail is about 11.5 miles with a 2.5 mile practice loop built into that total. Because it was already hot when we started and we were still planning on driving to Durango that afternoon, we skipped the practice off shoot and headed for the main loop.

You probably know that Slickrock isn’t slick or slippery at all, at least not when riding on mountain bike tires; it’s actually very tacky so there was never really any fear of sliding down the rocks from slippery tread. (I'm not sure what happens when it rains and whether that component is compromised. I'm assuming it would be?) The fear crept in in two other ways. Did I mention it was hot? The inferno we were riding into that day was made worse by the fact that being in the high desert, there was little coverage from the sun and the sad little scrub brush that did manage to sustain life amongst the rocks only provided shade for my feet at best. Total exposure to the elements. It’s no surprise that my less than stellar attitude going into the ride amplified my perception of how hot it was and additionally I was still a bit drained and dehydrated from the 25 mile Whole Enchilada ride the day prior.  I kept reminding myself though that the trail would only be about 9.5 miles since we ended up skipping the practice loop. How bad could it be?

Fear factor part two entered when I realized that this trail wasn’t just about the experience of riding on slickrock in the desert; it was about who could ride the steepest rock faces on the planet. This was a climbing trail of epic proportions. The climbs were relentless, steep, punchy and exhausting and for me, impossible. Jay is a great climber, especially when something is really tough. Instead of getting pissed off and saying “screw this” like I do, these challenges encourage him to conquer them and he conquered many of the climbs that day. I, on the other hand, hiked many of the climbs that day.

Per the usual, the pictures really don't do the elevation changes justice. Some (many) of the rock climbs had to be at least 20% grades in terms of how steep they were and they were one right after the other. There is a point probably half way through that we were riding a ridge line of sorts which was manageable but that only lasted a short distance. By the end of the loop though, even Jay was ready to get the hell out of there. Seeing the signs indicating the trailhead was somewhat near was the highlight of the ride. I may have cried a little bit.

We made it back to the parking lot and I sat under one of the picnic shelters staring listlessly at the ground for quite some time. I was miserable but also knew that I had the opportunity to ride something that most mountain bikers have heard of and may never experience. I felt badly for robbing someone of that opportunity with my shitty attitude and felt that I should have been more appreciative than I was. You can’t help where your head is sometimes and mine wasn’t in the game. I know people that love this trail and would probably ride it every week if they lived there. It just wasn't for me. Did I have a bad attitude going in? Absolutely. Did that have an impact on how the day played out? Absolutely.

I think I mentioned in the beginning that I may have some kind words about this experience. The trail system as a whole is really well marked in terms of where you're supposed to ride and someone spent a long time laying out the painted lines that serve as your guide. The views are gorgeous and the slickrock is a marvel in and of itself. It's a marvel I would rather just kind of stare at instead of ride but it's a marvel nonetheless. If you're looking for a climbing challenge and a good cardio burn, this is your trail. If you can conquer even half of these rocks, you should feel really good about your abilities. It's also a great place to train for climbing in general. It's really great to see how different localities take advantage of their terrain and make the best with what they're working with and Slickrock is no different. The terrain is really unique and probably not found in many places anywhere.

I was super fortunate to have the opportunity to ride not only this trail but in this part of the U.S. at all and for that, I can't complain.

Finding the Space.

As I mentioned in the last post, maintaining a regular yoga practice on the road has been tough. When we’re in a place that has WiFi, it’s usually not conducive to rolling out the yoga mat and YouTubing a routine in the middle of a Starbucks for example.   However, Jay managed to download a couple of morning Yoga with Adriene practices so I have a few queued up on the laptop when it’s convenient.

My first yoga practice on the road was in a parking lot on the banks of the Mississippi River in LeClaire, Iowa. We had a rough night and when morning arrived and the sun greeted us through our van windows after a night of pouring rain, I felt my mat calling me from the back of the van. It was just what I needed - a little quiet, inner work on the ol’ soul so I rolled out the mat and put together my own little routine.

I managed to find a free yoga class at a library in Bozeman, Montana and was excited to be able to participate.  It was a great class with the exception of a few toddlers running around the room banging on the windows and standing on people’s mats.  I kept reminding myself that yoga isn’t really about the physical practice at all and more about maintaining some sort of a mindset where you’re not supposed to be pissed off that little kids are ruining your opportunity for some real class time but I’m just not there yet and I was in fact pissed off the whole time. At the end of the hour, the instructor mentioned that we should let go of any expectations we had for ourselves or the class and basically just be present with where we are in our lives at that moment. I thought it was a super creative way of telling those moms that their kids fucked up the class experience for the rest of us. At least that’s how I interpreted it to make myself feel better.

I tried to roll out my mat in a beautiful camp spot in Bighorn National Forest but the mosquitoes were large and persistent so that lasted all of 30 seconds.

When we were in Squamish, BC, we parked every night across the street from the town’s public library which was also next to their community garden and a lovely park. I tried to wake up early enough to get in a 20 minute practice before parents brought their kids to the playground in the park where it would have been potentially weird for me to be hanging around on my mat amidst the jungle gym.

Perhaps one of the most inspired places I've practiced was in Castle Gardens, Wyoming - a camp spot we found on BLM land which was just gorgeous. We had the little canyon all to ourselves for two days and it was kind of magical.

Castle Gardens, WY

Otherwise, I take advantage of when we're staying at friends or family's houses and get in a few practices here and there.  It would be really easy to just say screw it and not try and find the time or the space to get on the mat, but I realize how important yoga is to my wellbeing, maintaining a positive headspace and staying flexible in mind and body. I've practiced yoga on and off for years but it's only been the last few years that I accepted the fact that it's something I need on a regular basis. I don't need a fast flow class or anything super intensive but I need the time to get back into a good mental headspace and stretch my muscles. Find the space. Find the time. Find what makes you feel like a better human being - even if for only an hour.

What Are You Looking For? Observations from the Road.

Jay and I had four main goals when undertaking our vanlife adventure.

1. Visit National Parks;
2. Hit up mountain bike trails across the country;
3. Explore the U.S. in general, and while we're doing that; 
4. Scope out potential new places to live when vanlife came to an end.

My brother-in-law and his fiance bought us one of the best gifts anyone could have given us last Christmas which was an annual pass to the national parks. Considering each park carries an entrance fee of generally $25-$35, that adds up really fast.  As we're on somewhat of a limited budget for the year, we wouldn't have stopped at half of the parks we did if it wasn't for the park pass.  Of course, we would have purchased it for ourselves if it wasn't gifted to us, but it was nice not to have to shell out the money for it, especially when a significant amount of money was being dumped into the van build and getting our house ready to sell during that time.  One thing to consider is that you order the pass online and it gets mailed to your address. I don't recall that it's something you can buy at any national park office on the spot so if you're planning on traveling, order the pass before you hit the road so you have it in hand when you leave.

I like to people watch and one of the things I have enjoyed doing while traveling is to observe other people's experiences and reactions from my single, one sided point of view. I want to know what folks are looking for when they are out in nature. My first observation as a whole is the large number of rental RV’s we’ve seen around the country and the amount of people traveling in camper vans like ours. As we moved further towards the west coast, we encountered more and more RV’s and vans. It’s evident that a lot of people want to explore our beautiful country and they want a more personalized experience in lieu of booking hotel rooms or staying at resorts, none of which are bad options.

The national parks are hotbeds for visitors, especially in the summertime, obviously. You usually really need to plan ahead if you want to stay at one of the campsites, many of them booking up a year or more in advance.  Since we only decided to do van life last September and had no idea what travel trajectory we were taking, we made no campsite reservations at any of the parks and opted instead for drive throughs or short hikes in some of the parks.

It’s really a beautiful experience to see the amount of people, all ages, all nationalities, all everything that want to see what our national parks have to offer from sweeping views, canyons, waterfalls, wildlife, mountains, wildflowers, all of it. Some just seem to want the perfect selfie stick picture in front of Half Dome or Old Faithful, others want to just sit in the middle of a field and stare in wonderment at what is sitting before them - a big slab or rock or a waterfall. While some seem mesmerized by what is before them and may feel minuscule in the midst of, say, the Grand Tetons, others want to climb and conquer the rock wall of El Capitan in Yosemite. You can almost definitively pick out the Type A and Type B personalities of the various groups - not really those that cower and those that conquer but those that are content to just sit and revel in the grandeur that is before them and those that want to climb the highest peak to get a better view.

I know there are some people that don’t necessarily like spending time outside or in nature. I’m the sort that needs to spend at least a part of my day outside, whether it was taking a walk at lunchtime when I was working, jogging before work, mountain biking after work or just sitting on my back stoop in the evening for a few minutes. I gain energy from the trees and grass and love watching birds and squirrels do their thing and I think a lot of people feel that same energy and seek it out. We want to be surrounded by things that are bigger than us that have been fixtures in the world for hundreds and thousands of years before us to help us understand that when we don’t seek out these experiences, we can obsess over small, inconsequential things in our life and lose track of what is important. All lessons that need to be learned can be found in nature and time spent there can be a time of reflection, relaxation and recharging. In this silly world of social media likes and unrealistic Instagram pictures or Pinterest projects, nature shows us that it doesn’t need any of that to be something people flock to and want to experience because it’s pure and beautiful whether it’s cracked, worn down, scorched by fire or eroded by wind and rain. It moves and changes on its own time and does what it needs to do to survive and thrive or it knows when to gracefully fade away and incorporate itself back into the ecosystem.

  

Three Things. What I miss and don't miss about my prior life after two months of vanlife.

I wanted to keep track of where my head is during our vanlife excursion and document whether my mindset changes while we continue further into our trip with what will be just under 12 months on the road when all is said and done.  As far as Jay and I know, vanlife will be a temporary lifestyle for us and we've even talked about selling the van next year to help afford other ventures we're considering going forward, but we still have quite some time in this current set up and we’re not trying to rush anything just yet.

It’s been just over two months since we started traveling. Here are three of the more major things that I miss and don't miss about my old conventional, home owning, 9-5 legal secretary mindset.

Things I Don't Miss

• Home Ownership.  I bought my home in 2006. We lived in our house for 13 years and from day one, literally the day we got the keys, we started renovating and making changes. Initially the changes were cosmetic so we could move in and not stare at children's crayon drawings on the blood red dining room walls or look at blue tile in the shower stall that had been partially re-grouted with brown grout to (not) match the rest of the white grout.  We had about a month before our lease ended in our apartment and spent the time sanding and refinishing the floors, painting the entire house, pulling down the shower tiles and installing a cheap but 100% nicer than what we had plastic shower surround system, and replacing the kitchen cabinets with Lowes' ready made cabinets, flooring and countertops. Over the next 13 years, we took on project after project, most of which were major endeavors that involved gutting full rooms and putting them back together, tearing down a gigantic brick hearth where a wood burning stove sat to uncover the original coal fireplace and completely reconfiguring and renovating our kitchen, adding a half bath and renovating our master bath - the bathroom happening the last 2 weeks before the house went on the market.  There were many other projects over the years, and don't get me started on the shed remodel and the landscaping work.  While the work was rewarding, it was constant and never ending and if we still lived there, I have no doubt it would be continuing to this day. The house was beautiful when we sold it and despite leaving behind a bomb ass kitchen (which had been renovated only a year earlier) and new master bath that I never even got a chance to soak in, I wanted out and I wanted to never look back. I was done with it and with the constant feeling that we need to keep improving it.  I was done with the dark thoughts in the back of my head that involved possibly needing a new roof in the next few years or possibly needing to replace the main sewer line which was almost 80 years old. I was just done. I don't miss it one bit and I don't miss Richmond, Virginia either. Great city. Great breweries and restaurants. Great festivals. Great. I'm over it. 

• My Job.  I worked as a Legal Secretary in various law firms for the past 19 years. Prior to that I worked for GEICO insurance and prior to that, when I first started working at the age of 16 and through the first few years of college, I worked as a receptionist at JCPenney. I've always worked for big corporations and always had a desk job. Unfortunately, I've been told I'm a really great secretary. I say unfortunately because it's not very inspiring or necessarily aspirational. Working in the corporate world, however, offers certain things. There's stability there, benefits, vacation and sick plans and the general safety that goes along with that and the responsible, super pragmatic (boring) part of myself was ok with it and really didn’t seriously consider that there were any other options for making a living that would apply to me personally.  I was super fortunate to consistently have really great bosses and co-workers. What I disliked was the work itself. At one time, I thought I wanted to be a lawyer and almost applied to law school, but Jay encouraged me to work in a firm first before making any major life changes and incurring massive school loan debt and I'm glad I took his advice. I won't get into the specifics about what sucks or doesn't suck about being a lawyer from my observations and from working with them all these years, but I will just say that most of the time, reading legal b.s. is just that - b.s. It doesn't grip my soul and it doesn't excite me and as much as I tried to read Virginia code books, I would get through a paragraph or two and be bored to tears and resume my internet surfing. Most of the day, I had to give myself pep talks to keep me going but generally I felt that my soul was diminishing everyday and that I was wasting my life and was going to die at my desk under a stack of documents and redwelds. It was a job of constantly moving paper from one area to another and documenting whatever you did to save your ass should things go south. What I did enjoy was making my kick ass attorneys' days a little easier and I appreciated being appreciated by them. I enjoyed helping my co-workers out with personal or professional gripes and generally enjoyed being some sort of an asset in the general sense to an organization. The specifics of the job, however, were mind numbing.

• Major Stressors. I've always been a bit of a stress ball and an anxious and more serious person, which is why (I believe) I suffer from chronic digestive distress and probably one of the contributors to being diagnosed with a mild case of Crohn's Disease in 2015 (not to mention having several genetic markers for it - this is a big topic that I might address in another post and I know I probably shouldn't make blanket statements about such a serious disease, but it's also my disease and it's a very individual disease). I knew my life needed to change in a big way. I needed to make a grand gesture and not merely implement small incremental changes that I could easily gloss over or forget to enact. I needed to let go of things from my past and things that were stressing me out and that included my house, my car, and most of my possessions. I needed to let it all go and start my life over as much as I could. I needed to shed physical items and mental hindrances (the mental part is something I've been working on for years).  Of course stress still exists in my life as it's a natural part of any life, but my stresses have lessened and have changed into ones that don't have such a tight grip on my soul or my digestive tract.

Things I Miss.

• Showers. Shower time for me has always been a luxury. It’s like a spa moment every time I step into the shower stall. I never took showers or municipal water sources for granted and would often silently thank the universe that I had access to fresh running water to not just drink and wash dishes and laundry with, but especially to wash off any grit, grime, bad mood, or whatever from my body, hair and mind.  After a sweaty run, a long bike ride, a day spent renovating your house, working in your yard, walking to the mailbox, waking up in the morning, whatever - nothing beats a hot shower, especially if you just opened a new bar of soap or have a new bottle of shampoo to use.  We don't have a legit shower in the van and I miss it.  We have implementing 3 basic methods for washing up. One is the wipes system using not baby wipes but the adult version of baby wipes. This is good for light clean ups where we haven’t been sweating profusely from a mountain bike ride or hike and just need a quick freshen up. The second method is the plastic bucket method where we fill a small sink sized Tupperware type container with water and soap and take sink baths with a washcloth. (This method was also used when our master bathroom was gutted and we didn’t have a shower at home and it’s quite effective and efficient.) The third method involves setting up a collapsible tall stand up tent out of the back of the van and hook up a shower hose to our 30 gallon water tank and take the closest thing to a real shower we have available. This is the most futzy method and most time consuming. Additionally, we can't just haul out the shower tent in a Walmart parking lot. This is generally reserved for post mountain bike rides where we are parked in the woods at a trailhead or on a forest service road of some sort. The last time we used the tent shower was when we stayed overnight at the Bonneville Salt Flats which was a totally cool place to sleep and tent shower. 

• Regular Yoga Practice. Pre vanlife, I had a routine of waking up around 5:15 a.m. 4 days out of the workweek and either going for a half hour jog or a firing up Yoga with Adriene on YouTube and starting my morning with her soothing voice and calming practice. Sometimes I'd also throw in a pre-bedtime practice and usually do something on the weekend as well.  I brought my yoga mat with me but it's difficult to practice while traveling. Many of the places we post up for the evening don't have cellular service, much less WiFi or we're spending the night in a parking lot somewhere. Jay was able to download a few videos for me so I have some on standby when I get the opportunity but it's much less than I would prefer. I have, however practiced yoga in some great places, with kick-ass backdrops like on the banks of the Mississippi River, at a park in downtown Squamish, BC, and on BLM land in Colorado and Wyoming. I'm looking forward to getting back to a regular practice next year.

• Cooking. I have always loved finding and cooking recipes. When I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease I really began searching for ways to improve my diet and work to reduce my symptoms. I had been following Meghan Telpner's website www.meghantelpner.com for a few years and finally enrolled in her Culinary Nutrition Expert Program last year in her Academy of Culinary Nutrition. www.culinarynutrition.com Meghan also has Crohn's disease and has been symptom free for I believe over a decade after implementing dietary changes to her life. She's a nutritionist, business owner, creator of an online nutrition school and overall powerhouse of an individual. I learned so much through her program and dedicated a good portion of my weekly routine to meal planning, prepping and eating delicious, healthy and healing whole food meals. Cooking in the van, however, is limited. Space is limited, energy sources are limited and there are constraints everywhere you look. This hasn't been an excuse to slack off with healthy eating but our meals are no longer elaborate affairs. We simply don't have the room to store many of the extras that I had incorporated into my diet when I had a standard kitchen. I do what I can, but I'm pretty bummed about not being in the kitchen. 

There you have it. Some ups. Some downs. Nothing unsurmountable and nothing that's permanent one way or another. Before I know it, our travels will be over and I'll be back to cooking up a storm in the kitchen, practicing yoga whenever I want and washing my hair whenever I damn well please. Until then, I'm focusing on all the positives this interlude is providing me and the space and time to figure out a new lifestyle going forward that serves my soul in its highest form.

And Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep...But Where?

One of the main questions and I noticed van life folks are asked is where do they sleep every night? I’ve watched plenty of YouTube videos and read blog posts from travelers to answer that same question so that when it came time for me and Jay to hit the road, we’d have some idea of what to do.

The iOverlander app seems to be the Bible of overnight sleep findings, along with useful information like where to find water fill up spots, dump stations (if you’re in an RV and have those hook ups), laundry facilities/showers, Boondocking sites and fee campsites and we’ve used it religiously for the past two months. We’ve found our own spots along the way as well.

Here’s the rundown of where we posted up for the night during our first 30 days of travel, complete with pictures below of more memorable spots.

• June 18 - Cracker Barrel (I didn’t indicate in my notes where the heck we were but we started our journey from northern New Jersey and stayed in Iowa the next night so somewhere in between those two spots.) 
• June 19 - Boat loading parking lot on the banks of the Mississippi River, LeClaire, Iowa* 
• June 20 - Cracker Barrel (Again, no idea where we were but somewhere between Iowa and Badlands National Park.
• June 21 - Badlands National Park, Sage Creek Campground*
• June 22 - Cabela's, Rapid City, South Dakota
• June 23 - Black Hills National Forest, South Dakota - off a service forest road
• June 24 - Cabela's, Rapid City, South Dakota
• June 25 - Bighorn National Forest, Wyoming*
• June 26 - Castle Gardens, Wyoming* We had just passed through a small town called Ten Sleep, Wyoming and stopped at a brewery outside of town which allowed campers to stay overnight and also offered showers, but then I saw Castle Gardens on iOverlander and knew we needed to check it out. It's located on BLM land and was about 7 miles from the brewery. It was magical and we absolutely loved it. There were maybe 4 or 5 campsites but we were the only people there. It was magical. Did I say that already? 
• June 27 - Castle Gardens, Wyoming* Liked it so much, we stayed an extra day.
• June 28 - Shadow Mountain, Wyoming (across the street from the Grand Tetons National Park and up an 8 mile dirt, rocky, shitty road)
• June 29 - Downtown Jackson, Wyoming (Screw driving back up Shadow Mountain - we stealth parked on the street on the same block as a brewery and I had a lovely jog the next morning through downtown)
• June 30 - Sage Creek Trailhead, Montana* (a random find along a beautiful stretch of road)
• July 1 - Walmart, Bozeman, Montana (Beautiful mountains surrounded the Walmart and the sunsets were incredible. It was also nice to have access to grocery shopping, rug shopping for the van and bathrooms)
• July 2 - Walmart, Bozeman, Montana
• July 3 - Cabela's, Post Falls, Idaho (This is just across the border from Spokane, Washington and we stayed in this spot during our time in Spokane because it was closest to the mountain bike trails we were riding)
• July 4 - Cabela's, Post Falls, Idaho (Happy 4th of July! There was a truck stop/bar establishment just down the hillside from the Cabela's and they shot off fireworks for hours.
• July 5 - Cabela's, Post Falls, Idaho (Much quieter night than 4th of July, thank god)
• July 6 - Taneum Canyon, Washington 
• July 7 - Snoqualmie Casino, Washington (We were treated to the sold out musical stylings of international superstar sensation Karen Tong who was in concert at the casino and we could hear it (unfortunately) from the parking lot. My ears aren’t developed enough to appreciate her rendition of music. Sorry Karen.
• July 8 - 13 - Staying with family in Seattle, Washington who have a baller 3 story house with decks on each level overlooking Puget Sound. Showers every day and accessible laundry. This was pretty stellar but we actually missed sleeping in the van.
• July 14 - Queen Elizabeth Park, Vancouver, BC* (Stayed in the parking lot near the tennis courts and “chip and something” golf course - kind of like mini golf and golf golf but not really. The parking lot in and of itself was nothing special but the park and gardens in the park were absolutely gorgeous. I enjoyed a morning jog through the park and discovered all of the hidden gems it held. Also, there was a bathroom nearby.
• July 15 - Queen Elizabeth Park, Vancouver, BC
• July 16 - Deep Cove, BC* (Beautiful spot near the marina. Such a quaint town. Loved it.)
• July 17 - Deep Cove, BC
• July 18 - Mamquam River Forest Road, Squamish, BC (There was nothing remarkable about this spot and we ended up moving to town for the rest of our stay in BC)

A few observations about that first month - I had some of my best sleeps in Cracker Barrel restaurant parking lots. Go figure. Maybe it’s the knowledge that if you desire, I could have a warm, delicious breakfast in the morning just steps from what is now my new home on wheels. Cabela's is a nice store with nice bathrooms. We purchased things we didn’t really need but really, who doesn’t need another flannel shirt, Croc sandals and licorice? Some Cabela's have free water fills, dump stations, and horse corrals (yup) which is awesome. 

It’s weird accepting on a personal level the first night you’re sleeping in a Walmart parking lot (for those stores that allow overnight camping), but there are usually lots of other camper vans, RVs and just people living out of their cars who utilize that accommodation. I really appreciate the stores that allow travelers to stay in their parking lots. It’s also nice to stop in and pick up some groceries and give the Natureshead toilet a break. 

It’s also been eye opening to realize how many people live in their vehicles. Not a camper van or an RV but in their car. This may be by choice but it may not and staying in Walmart parking lots and moving around every few days may not be the choice these folks want to have to make. Maybe they don’t want to travel the US; maybe they want the same house to come back to and sleep in every night. I respect where people are in their lives. Life is difficult and you do what you need to in order to survive. I hope those that find themselves with no choice but to live in a tent under an underpass or in their car or broken down RV pull through this challenging time and find themselves in a better place soon. I know that I am extremely fortunate to have the opportunity to travel and to sleep in a big box store parking lot by choice and I don’t take that for granted.

Also of note is that not all Walmarts, Cabela's (or Bass Pros) or Cracker Barrel's allow overnight parking, or they may have at one point but have since cracked down on this privilege. I see both sides of the coin on their decisions but it's a shame when the stores have had to cease allowing overnight parking because some folks have abused the store's graciousness.

Here are some of the overnight highlights:

LeClaire, Iowa, Mississippi River

LeClaire, Iowa

Badlands National Park, SD. There was a prairie dog field next to our van.

Badlands National Park. Sage Creek Campground.

Castle Gardens, WY This place was amazing.

Castle Gardens, WY

Sage Creek Trailhead, MT

Queen Elizabeth Park, Vancouver, BC

Queen Elizabeth Park. Their locks of love installation.

Queen Elizabeth Park

Deep Cove, BC